I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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