we're blogging at a bar
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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