she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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