My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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