girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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