my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are we still banned from the library?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a naked man in my car right now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
