Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
