Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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