My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Pants are for mortals
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
