Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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