I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
