Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
