my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
