why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
