Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
