i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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