i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
