Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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