Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
