shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
