So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
