Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
