That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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