Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
