if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When are your genitals available?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
