If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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