Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
