We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
