Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
