I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
