i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
