Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
