OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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