You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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