can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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