I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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