Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
