i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
