OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
