Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
