Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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