Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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