I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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