i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
