normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
