that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
