onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
