Im at strip club and am horny
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
