Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
