MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
